Before I continue with my stalker story, let me explain why DB is public enemy # 1 (besides his sparkling personality.) My friends went on a ski trip back in March which DB was also invited to tag along. During the entire trip he acted like a total jack ass and treated everyone like they were beneath him. He bragged about his snowboarding skills but proved to be all talk on the slopes and blamed it on the “conditions.” After the trip was over, he emailed the girl who invited him and said, “Do not invite me to any of your ski trips ever again. I do not like your friends – they are all so cliquey and preppy.” Well, the feeling was mutual so there was definitely no love lost…
So on with my story. After my first encounter with DB, he emailed me later that week (no idea where he got my email address):
DB [email]: “I am out... Call me... Email me... I may be a dork, but I still rock. so... don't worry. What people dream, I do.”
Was this guy for real? Please note that I copied and pasted directly from his email. I couldn’t have made this up even if I wanted to.
I ignored his email, but then the following week he walked by my desk again.
DB: “How come you never wrote me back or called me?”
Me: [Unapologetically] “Oh sorry I deleted it.”
I got up to go to the bathroom even though I didn’t need to. When I came back, he was gone but I found in my Inbox a new email eagerly waiting for me to open and read:
DB [email]: “I guess you never called. Well, I was well over compensated on Friday. I got the orange color like you said so you now have a stake in that car. Anyway, are you going to call or what? If your not busy, I can show you the places in Tokyo most people don't know about.”
I couldn’t help but laugh – he got the ugly orange model I purposely picked over the red one! What a sucker! And notice his poor grammar – it’s “YOU’RE”, not “YOUR”! Since he practically begged me to write back, I finally responded to his previous email which said, “What people dream, I do”…my god it is so beyond cheesy!
Me [email]: “What if I dream that I ran you over with MY Lamborghini? I'd like to see you prove that theory...”
DB [email]: “let me take you out once and I may let you. But your mean for giving me the cold shoulder. You should get to know me before you judge me. Just a thought... lol or you can just tell me not to bother you and I will walk away from the whole thing....”
I did not respond. Instead, I forwarded the email chain to my friends who had a good laugh and congratulated me on being the chosen one. That night over dinner and drinks, my friends advised me to keep up this charade so they can get more laughs out of him. A bit evil…but not for me. So I heeded their advice and responded to his last email.
Me [email]: “Wow. You're kind of crazy. May I give you some advice for the next girl you try to impress? Don't. Just be normal. I'm sure you are a nice guy deep down. There is no need to flaunt your expensive cars, unless that's the kind of girl you want to attract - those are called gold diggers by the way.”
DB [email]: “Nah, not trying. I am just a dork. to be honest, I just wanted to hang out with you. We can take the train if you want. Nothing to do with attraction. Just chill out. so let me start all over. Hi, my name is DB, I was wondering if you would like to have lunch sometime?”
Me [email]: “Much better. My name is Evan. Nice to meet you.”
Notice I completely ignored his request for lunch. AS IF! It’s a mystery to me why he struts around like an Abercrombie model and that he’s God’s gift to women and gay men while he’s lucky if he could be one of those fugly people in those Home Depot ads wearing a flannel shirt (circa 1995) holding the sale item of the week.
DB [email]: “Since you won’t go to lunch with me, how about getting coffee sometime? Starbucks? $4 is my limit. LOL”
Eeek! I never wrote back, but I did forward the email to my friends asking them to come up with an exit strategy. Am I evil? Well, maybe, but I do love to entertain others especially at the expense of someone else. The following week DB walked by and said, “Evan, I’m really sorry. I won’t bother you again.” My friend who was sitting across from me and I looked at each other and we burst out laughing.
Then after two weeks of peace and quiet, I thought I was in the clear…until I got another random email from him last week. The saga never ends…
Here's a picture of me having dinner with Thomas and Kei Kato for a little Northpoint reunion in Tokyo!